Saturday 10 April 2010

What a twit

You'll be pleased to know I won't be making a habit of posting about politics. I subscribe to the view that it doesn’t matter who you vote for as the Government always get in, but with the nail-biting excitement of Britain's General Election about to enter its second week of bickering, I have to mention the brilliant attempt by my local Labour candidate to win my vote.

Stuart Maclennan is my kind of politician. Not for him the soundbite, the smug avoidance of questions, the carefully constructed veneer of lies and deceit. Stuart took the almost unprecedented line of telling voters what he really thought and what he really believed in, without any thought about whether or not that would actually win him any votes. Stuart discovered twitter and thinking that posting on social networking sites was the way forward he started tweeting. With twitter only allowing a few characters to get your point across he therefore decided to convey his message exclusively using four letter words. Here are some of his opinions on the burning issues of the day:

Fairtrade: God this fairtrade, organic banana is **** Can I have a slave-grown, chemically enhanced, genetically modified one please?

Alcohol: Jeezo, I’m as dry as a nun’s **** today. You know I think I might be completely sober for the first time in 4 days.

Travel: Made my connecting train. No first class it would appear. Sitting opposite the ugliest old boot I’ve ever seen too.

Books: Woman next to me on the train is reading a Danielle Steele novel. I can, in fact, confirm that it is in very large print and double spaced.

Tory leader David Cameron: t***.

Liberal leader Nick Clegg: b****** he could f*** right off if he thinks he's in the same league as Brown and Cameron.

Labour MP Diane Abbott: a f******* idiot.

The speaker: an opportunist little t***.

The TV election debate: really couldn't care less. Why the f*** does Nicholas Clegg get to take part?

Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize: You've got to be f****** kidding me.

His prospective constituents: chavs & coffin-dodgers

His prospective constituency: stranded up north again

The local industry: Johnnie Walker Red Label is so awful they can't sell it in Scotland.

Sadly he paid the price when Gordon Brown removed him as our candidate yesterday, but his campaign for election was certainly fun while it lasted!

1 comment:

Oscar Case said...

Too bad he's out. Entertaining. Our US elections coming up in November will not be half as ineresting as far as the use of epithets goes.