Saturday, 23 January 2010

The best ever customer review on Amazon?

I enjoy coming across amusing customer reviews on the Amazon site, but today I happened upon a small goldmine of wit and surreal sarcasm that customers have added to the bizarre product of a picture of Paul Ross, who apparently is the brother of British tv presenter Jonathon Ross.

Prior to finding this weird alternate universe called the Mirror Print World, my favourite set of amazon customer reviews were for a self-published book written by a rabid religious nut-job who had published her ravings all without a single thought being given to sense, punctuation and grammar, and all written in capitals. This inevitably attracted bucket loads of sarcastic reviews all written in capitals.

Almost as good was one of the worst ever books by a professional writer The Crossroads of Twilight, which was volume 87 or so in an interminable fantasy series and was the one where the fans finally rebelled against the lack of plot development. There are about 2,000 one star reviews of that book and most employ more creativity than the book they are tearing apart, but now even those delights have been bettered with something that is just too bemusing for words: an amazon shop that sells large framed pictures of things nobody would ever want hanging on their walls such as portraits of major celebrities like Su Pollard and Adolph Hitler along with nudie Dalek pictures and William Shatner's swimming pool.

I rooted around this twilight zone wondering if this was a joke I wasn't getting, but the shop really does appear to be linked to the Mirror newspaper chain and so it is a genuine company that is offering over 300,000 pictures to inspire the masses. It also appears that many other people have happened across this twilight zone too and have wondered what was going on. The nexus of the cult of the Mirror Print World appears to be centred around the 250, and growing, reviews that have been added to the giant portrait of that major figure in the entertainment world Paul Ross:

If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get.

I am thrilled with the recent bereavement gift I received of a Paul Ross canvas.
It has hugely cheered me since the fire and the loss of my entire family, 2 cats, gerbil, iguana, stick insects and pet house spider. Why oh why did I choose that night of all nights to have a massage after bingo?

And the fun appears to be spreading to the picture of a Uterine Fibroid:

I was very disappointed that the photograph did not - in any way - feature Paul Ross.

A truly spectacular print; whenever I'm feeling down and need a little lift, I stare lovingly at it and whisper to myself "At least I don't have whatever on earth that is."

Then there's the cheery picture of an Alzheimer's sufferer's MRI Scan:

It seems totally crass to have a framed print of a person with Alzheimers!! especially when its advertised as 'Set in a modern frame with a custom mount, your print will look stunning in any room. An ideal gift for your family and friends.'

You can also enjoy Cosmetic Breast Surgery:

So much about the world today is twisted and cruel and ugly and sad. If it's not the annual apocalpyse in Gaza, it's new, super-aggressive forms of cancer, or Paul Ross, or the yawning, sickening gap that divides unbridgeably the super-rich from the dirt-poor. So it's nice to slam the door on all that once in a while and kick back and gaze, lost, at something as aspirationally beautiful as this: a photo of a blood-spattered surgeon stabbing a knife into someone's wap.

Then there's the Hitler picture:

A good quality print which predictably doesn't capture the playful, fun loving nature of the late Fuhrer.

This print certainly adds a certain feeling of gravitas to my child's bedroom.

Su Pollard's portrait:

Before I bought this print I genuinely didn't know who Sue Pollard was. Now I know...oh yes. And I like to think that now she knows me.

Woman rejecting a plate of food:

This is perhaps the best photograph of a woman rejecting a plate of food I have ever owned.

The Chuck Norris mug:

Any mug with Chuck Norris' image on it will be unbreakable - until Chuck says otherwise.

Anyhow, more of this kind of stuff at The Box Canvas Print of Paul Ross

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